My 7-Year Performance Review

I’ve been at this Mom-thing for seven years now. I haven’t had a performance review yet. No raise either.

I decided to check in with my bosses (7-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter) to see where I stood.

What did I discover? There’s always room to improve.

Me: What is Mommy good at?

Son: Are you going to ask me what you’re bad at?

Me: Can we start with the good?

Son: You’re good at helping me clean my room.

Me: Now for the bad.

Son: You’re bad because you don’t let me play Wii every day.

Me: If I got paid to be your Mommy, how much would I get?

Son: One. One dollar.

Me: How long have I been your Mom?

Son: 36 years.

Me: Can I have a raise?

Son: No. I don’t think so.

Me: Can I have some of your money?

Son. Nope. Well, maybe a penny.

Me: Anything else to add?

Son: If you let me play Wii everyday, you would be perfect. But for now, you’re still good.

Me: How old am I?

Daughter: 64

Me: Do I work hard?

Daughter: Some days.

Me: Do I deserve a raise? Some extra money?

Daughter: What? Do you think I’m rich?

Me: Am I getting anything for Mother’s Day.

Daughter: Yes.

Me: What is it?

Daughter: Can’t tell you.

Me: Give me a hint.

Daughter: OK, it rhymes with lemonade.

I better not be getting a jar of marmalade. Or could it be a pimped-out Escalade?

Thank goodness this job comes with decent benefits. I get to feel the exhiliration of a goal scored by my son at a Saturday soccer game. I get to watch my favorite Disney movies over and over again with my daughter and not feel wierd about it. I have Lucky Charms in my cabinet and have an excuse to visit McDonald’s at least once a week. I get bragging rights to everything my son and daughter do right. I get to blame my husband (and the traits he passed on to the kids) for all the things they do wrong. And if I continue make some improvements on the job front, I’m looking at a pretty sweet vacation in about 11 to 13 years from now.

– Heather

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: